I must be a screwdriver in my previous life because I screw things up so much. At times like these, there are only so many things you can choose to do. Lose the person or change ( if it can be changed and/or if all is not lost) the part in yourself that caused the screwup. I need to sit under a waterfall and do some deep self-reflection. There must be something clearly wrong with me since the picture frame is still so sturdily held by the nail. I need to become a better human being.
Brand’s Chicken Essence
* This is not an advertorial. *
I am like one of those chickens whose life essence is sucked up and put into one of those bottles. How many chicken(s) do u think there are/is in one bottle? Sleeping does help I guess, but there’s a limit to how much someone can sleep even for somebody like me. But whatever, I’ll get by with a little help from neen. This is really too trivial I suppose, compared to the millions of other miseries out there. And I guess I am not the only one who feels this way.
And so, I was talking to shiei today. Please allow me to quote this being.
“Humans are like the only animal capable of overcoming natural survival instincts. Which is puzzling (because) almost all other life and lifeforms on earth are trying to preserve and continue living.”
Pretty cool, no? I guess it kinda puts anyone who easily contemplates suicide to shame.
Hmmm.. I wonder where this is going. I guess I just needed any oulet to rant. I wonder what does it all matters now? What exactly am I? An alien perhaps. Or a chicken. I guess sometimes what you think is good for others may not really be what’s good for them.
An Answer.
Putting bits and pieces taken from different intervals in time, perhaps I have come up with the above. Whether or not it is meant to be the intended one I do not know. But at least it makes sense. I guess I’ll just go with it for now?
Hullo. I like Ninomiya Kazunari. I think he is a pretty cool person. Other than the usual oh he’s cute or he can dance/sing ( I really like his kiddy voice)/perform magic/play guitar/play piano/games etc, it is his ultimately his personality that draws me to him. While appearing indifferent, he is actually acutely aware of his surroundings, doing things when need be etc. Don’t you think that such people are cool?
Quite unfortunately, we have a 9 years age gap and on top of that, he in born in Japan and me, Singapore. Because of these unfortunate circumstances, I am afraid that I might not even get to meet him in my lifetime. Perhaps I’ll be able to glance or in my case, stare at him if I am lucky enough to catch an Arashi concert in my lifetime. However, he would probably not notice my existence. Aww. How sad is that?
Life is sometimes like
being a Pokemon. Some Pokemon are just naturally stronger than others. Like how psychic Pokemons like abra/kadabra/alakazam seems to be many tads more powerful than bug pokemons. Like how a magikarp can level up countless times (till before it evolves to gyarados) and still not be able to defeat a much lower leveled Pikachu.
It sucks to be a magikarp.
Things I can’t seem to say.
I am afraid of you walking ahead of me
for I irrationally fear that you no longer love me
I am afraid of any wrong signals I might send
for I fear that you might think that I no longer love you
I am afraid of sharing my problems with you
as I might end up crying in front of you
because I am especially emotionally vulnerable in front of you
I want to call you
just to feel you on the other side of the line
but I do not know what to say
I want you to stay and not leave
but I don’t want to be selfish
and have you at my side forever
I want you to know how i feel
but I am afraid my words do not correctly potray what I feel
so I keep silent
RADWIMPS - 救世主
I like this song because at the chorus, the time signature changes to 3/4. So superficial right?
Naw, the lyrics too. Really really really. I kinda get what he’s feeling. I think everyone has their own noda’s-interpretation-of-a-救世主 (saviour). But meeting the person can be both a blessing and a curse.
“君と出会ったあの朝に
僕は世界に呼ばれ
そっと 君を守るようにと送られたんだよ”
Oh and,
“僕がいなくなっても きっと世界は続く
だって僕は 君の中でしか生きれないから
だって世界は 君の中でしか生きれないから”
nodaaaaa!!!! ;A; I wanna cry…
Ah somehow, this song feels sacred.
If you’re interested, the lyrics are here : http://www.littleoslo.com/lyj/home/2011/03/radwimps-救世主/
(Source: mayakashi-ichi)
Lucidream
Today I had a lucid dream. It’s pretty sad because somehow I cannot recall the circumstances in the dream that led to me realising that I’m dreaming. Anyway what happened was that after I came to that realization, I decided to firstly, affirm the fact that I’m indeed dreaming also known as reality testing in wiki and secondly, see if what I’ve read in wiki about reality testing is true.
Here’s one of the methods to reality testing as stated in wiki.
- Looking at text or one’s digital watch (remembering the words or the time), looking away, and looking back. The text or time will probably have changed randomly and radically at the second glance or contain strange letters and characters. (Analog watches do not usually change in dreams, while text and digital watches have a great tendency to do so.) A digital watch or clock may feature strange characters or the numbers all out of order.
I had a watch in the dream and it really changes when I look away and back again. Cool ttm. When all was ‘proven’ that I was indeed dreaming, I went and punch this person’s (my friend’s colleague who happened to be in my dream) face for fun because I knew that there would no consequences whatsoever. In the dream, she was shocked when I did that but there were no traces of blood or injury which kinds of reflects badly on my martial art skills. On the other hand, I was shocked that she was shocked because somehow i had this feeling that the people in my dream would behave differently when they know that I know that I am dreaming but perhaps not, I guess.
Ah bleh, I bet I sound ridiculous.
